Dragonfly

Me and Lydia, McCormick's Creek 2020

I needed to go for a walk, to breath, even if it was the muggy Indiana summer air. I stopped to gaze at a dragonfly. It felt as though it was the first time I'd ever gazed upon one. We looked at each other long enough for my breath to slow and mind to clear, caught in that moment, fixed in time. As the dragonfly took flight, in the quiet that had settled over my heart as I gazed on this perfect creation--bulgy eyes inches from my own, incandescent blue lips reflecting the light--I was able to hear the gurgling stream behind me. I heard the swell of the cicadas, the many different birdsongs in the trees all around, and the words, ‘Il est toujours soeur le trone’ (He is still on the throne) that swept over my heart as I gazed up at the dancing leaves of the tree tunnel over this rural Indiana road. Those words that were spoken in greeting to those working in the kitchen by my Cameroonian mother, Maman Gado when she swept into the communal kitchen of the office compound in Cameroon.

Maman and Papa Gado with Mariama 2017

The defeated enemy wants to destroy the confidence we have in our God who sits on the throne. He’s not like Yertle the Turtle in Dr. Seuss' book who was “king of all he could see” on his stone throne over the Salamasond pond, but the King who sees every dragonfly and every heart in every land hungering for him! He sees the sacrifices we each make to bring his love closer to the hurting, longing to join him in his redemptive work. I believe he rejoices in our heart work, as small as it seems, with the never-ending labor of planting, watering, weeding, fertilizing this vast harvest that HE is growing (1 Cor.3:6) for his glory! He says, “don’t grow weary!” (Gal. 6:9) “I am making all things new!" (Rev.21:5)

He also invites me and you to listen as he "delights over you with singing" (Zeph 3:17). I imagined the dragonfly seeing my face over and over with it's thousands of lenses in his tiny compound eyes. What information was he processing about my frazzled hair and tired eyes? I imagined God seeing me over and over, and the unchangable truth that runs through his mind every time my face appears before him is delight and joy because of Jesus! What an impossibly beautiful thought! My flawed being, living out my life like a vapor in the wind, is treasured by the Creator and when he sees me over and over he never gets tired of me! He never wishes I was any different in the fabric of my being than the beautiful one he created. This is so incomprehensible to me for I get tired of myself daily! He is making all things new, including me, but not to destroy and recreate a different person altogether, but to renew in relationship with him. Why would he want that? Why do I matter so much to him? The Psalmist asked the same thing in Psalm 8, and then says, "you created him...and crowned him with glory and honour." This doesn't explain extravagant love, it just adds to the wonder and mystery of the heart of God, the King of the dragonfly, and the King of my heart who becons me to his throne gazing into the eyes of a dragonfly under rustling Indiana archways.

Mariama New York 2018

A daddy retreat

I (Zach) often feel refreshed when I am in the woods.  Sometimes it is a walk, sometimes a run, and sometimes a run with my two precious babies!  Nature, anywhere, has become a place of refreshment and prayer.

Today (Tuesday), I am heading off for a two night get away by myself.  It is a gift from Christy and some friends, an idea I never would have thought of, but I am thankful for it.  I plan to run, kayak, sleep, read, and pray.  Would you pray that God would use this time as he pleases?

When I come back, I will return the exciting work of preparing to return to Nigeria.  I will share stories with you all of what God has been doing there.  But can you join me in the "pause" to ask God what he wants us to be praying for?

Sleeping On the Job

Right now I am sitting on my sofa in a dimly lit living room with two babies sleeping on the nursing pillow.  I could get rich on the number of adorable pictures I have of these two in funny positions, falling asleep on the job. It is their ONLY job.  Eat, be satisfied, grow!

The other day, as I expressed into their mouths, the milk dribbling down their slack jaws, I thought, "God doesn't force feed us, does he?  If we don't want anymore, does he keep trying to get us to eat?"  I was looking for an excuse to just stop and go to bed probably.

Then it hit me, "No, he doesn't force anything, but even if we are "sleeping on the job" when we are supposed to be craving nourishment from him, alert and ready to enjoy all the good things he gives, he doesn't stop making his abundant life available.  When we get lazy, God still gives us all we need, longing for us to thrive!"

That's grace.  I'm listening to Desiring God by John Piper, and he quotes CS Lewis from his book "Weight of Glory,"

Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. (25–26)

I'm so thankful God continues to offer abundant life and sweet fellowship with himself to us.  Now it is to pray that we are not too easily pleased, but have an insatiable hunger for more of him! 

It Takes Two

I like the number 7.  I like the sideways mountain, and long slant coming down.  I like that it's odd. I've always found higher levels of math frustrating, and therefore numbers have brought me a lot of angst, unlike my husband who gets great thrills out of a well-made graph or a page full of statistics to wade through.  In our family, the number seven has arrived by twos. To someone who doesn't do numbers that well, four times two, making seven, sounds just right.  Let me explain what "It takes two" means.


It took two...I met Zach in Dallas in 2010, and we were both working in West Africa.  Happy as can be to serve and love and live but when we decided to get married in 2012, it took two to establish a home where many neighborhood children were welcomed and loved.  Where single guy friends of Zach's could bring their future spouses to talk about relationships, where two becoming one could shine God's light in Nigeria.



It took two...Mariama was born in 2015 in Jos, Nigeria.  Three weeks later, Daso came to live with us. She was nine at the time. It took the two of them to stretch my heart in many directions, giving me a capacity to love that I never knew.  Daso introduced me to the world of primary schools and a new insight into Nigerian children and their needs.  I stumbled through ushering her through adolescence, and demonstrating what Godly womanhood could look like.  Mariama introduced me to a community that embraced my children and humbled me through continual advice and constructive criticism. This sweet duo showed me how families are built, how discipleship starts at home as I discovered their spiritual needs were similar though at different levels of complexity.

It took two...Lydia joined us in 2017.  Mariama and Lydia were the two babies who had entered our family through my womb, and they are so different!  It took two to show me what I already knew; God masterfully knits each creation uniquely. Giving one child a powerful, husky voice, bubbling laughter, and contented zeal, and another an explosive imagination, slender limbs, and articulate vocabulary.  It takes the two of them daily to draw out creativity and laughter, bringing me to tears of frustration and mountains of rejoicing in a single stride.








It takes two...Acacia and Olivia, surprising me with their arrival two months early, the every-three-hour feeds, they bombard me with need, sound, smiles, cuddles...I am surrounded.  Without my life erupting with babies and diapers, I wouldn't have experienced the intense times with God while they were in the NICU.  I would have missed out on the community that has gathered around us to care.  I would still be struggling more desperately with the idea that God's love is linked to my ability to serve him.  But I have been emptied two by two, and then filled back up.  A continuous refreshing cycle of losing myself and relief in finding a renovated me in the tides of this life rolling over my heart.

Me + Zach,
Daso + Mariama
Mariama + Lydia
Acacia + Olivia   = 7 individuals who have joined to become family, each giving from the wealth that is in them to enrich the others. Now that's my kind of math!

Fuzz and A Name Change

I wash Olivia's little hands, so silky soft, creamy pink in my hand, reaching to remove the fuzz that gets absorbed into her little creases.  I have always found it fascinating how infants have these perfectly formed hands and feet, full of potential, yet they are gathering fuzz, lint, the occasional hair. For lack of use, they fuzz up! 
Do you ever wonder if you're the kind of follower of Jesus who gathers lint in your hands and feet?  I did yesterday while I bathed my wiggling girls.  Here we are, empowered by the Almighty with the same power that rose Jesus from the dead, to extend our hands to go with our feet to those that need love and light, peace and hope, but maybe we are gathering fuzz.  We are fully functional souls, many of us having experienced the nurture and love of our Father for many years, yet still infants in our lack of use.  I do not want to gather fuzz any longer.

"Lydia, come here please!" I called to my vivacious 2 year old.
"I'm not Lydia, I'm Uncle Josh!"  She exclaimed.
"Okay, Uncle Josh, come here and get dressed."
"Okay, Mommy!" she replied.
I'm always surprised that someone who can so confidently claim the identity of another does not change at all in her character, her relationship with others or her actions.  She remains the same jumping, jolly little person, while trying to convince me she's my older brother (who is also quite jolly).  This continues throughout the day, and it makes me wonder if I'm a bit like Lydia.
I have taken on a new identity in Christ.  I'm a new creation, and yet, is there a change in me that is more than a name change? I do hope that with the name "Follower of Christ,"  that his character, the way he asks me to relate to others, and his actions permeate how I live my life.

So often we ask you to pray with us about something, but I have the joy of sitting while nursing babies many hours in my day.  I have time to pray for you, and I'd like to do that.  Please let me know how you're doing using your hands and feet to ward off the spiritual fuzz and impact your world and what your identity change looks like in this season.  This will encourage my heart, but also help me to pray for you. If you're struggling to think of how you are having impact or clearly showing your life in Christ, I will be happy to pray for you or listen!

Two on Sunday?

Written February 10th 2020

I didn't know how soon they'd let us go

Something in me cried, "so soon, oh no!" 

Two little girls to care for and feed?

Two wee ones with many a wee need?

With Acacia tomorrow Christy will board

Staying in hospital, trusting the Lord,

That by the end of the week, Olivia too

Will go home, and we'll all start anew! 

Staying in Indiana to get ourselves adjusted,

Next week to Michigan, God can be trusted! 

Thank you for praying and standing with us

Glory to him who will be, who is, and who was.

Updated February 11th 2020

God has heard my praise, my prayers, my fears 

And we trust him as "coming home day" nears.

An alarm today for Acacia has changed it all, 

But our anchor holds, into his grace we fall,

It only lasted a few seconds and she's fine,

So five days more on hospital food I'll dine.

Maybe Olivia got my competitive gene,

For her day is Thursday, February fourteen.

Please pray with us that by the weekend,

Our babies will be home, family time to spend.

Updated again Feb 12th

A bed at an angle, when it should have been straight,

Makes another delay that works out just great.

Acacia and Olivia are now set for Sunday.

We would really be delighted to keep it that way.

So pray the alarms will all stay away!

Expected discharge date: Sunday Feb 16, 2020.

Acacia is on her countdown!

Acacia

Thank God with us! We are approaching the day when Acacia gets to go home. If all goes well (she has no alarms, keeps eating, and keeps gaining weight) then she gets to go home on Tuesday (Feb 11).

Olivia

Olivia still needs breathing support so it will be a little longer until she can go home. Thank you for praying with all of us!

Acacia, Daddy (Zach), and Olivia