Family

If there is one thing that living in West Africa has taught me, it's that family in God's eyes is so much more than what we learned about extended and nuclear families in anthropology 101. The bonds that hold people to each other are as diverse as the shades of brown that make this colorful creation of family so special.
We are preparing to go on furlough. Preparing for a tearing that we know God has already covered in his grace.  With this knowledge, we live our days building memories, scrapbooking ones we've had, and training ourselves for a time apart.  Daso will be returning to her family two weeks after we return to the United States.  She will stay with her "aunties" Nnena and Mary Jane who brighten our days and will love her well at the beginning of the 6-month separation.

We (Mari, Daso, and I) will be making a journey to her hometown to see schools, and pray God provides just the right place for her, giving me discernment to know it when we find it! My hope is also to find a mentor for her as an outside person to listen and pray with her.  Thank you for holding us all up before the Father who loves each of us and goes ahead of us.

Family Picture from left to right: Mary Jane, Christy, Mariama, Daso, Zach, Nnena

Christmas break with Mariama (by Daddy)

It feels a bit funny to call myself “Daddy” in a post.  I am getting used to calling myself that at home, but it is funny to write it online!

One of my highlights this Christmas has been to spend more time with our baby, Mariama.  Although I watched seven younger sisters and a younger brother grow up, I can’t remember noticing the stages of development so vividly as I see them in Mariama.

Can it already be five and a half months?  It just seems like last week she was born, and the next morning I was wrapping her in a swaddling cloth and shhhhh-ing her until she stopped crying.  Visitors poured in to greet, and she quickly learned to smile for them.  We took her to get her earrings (essential so people will know she is a girl), and her vaccinations.  I am so thankful that I didn’t ignore her during those first two months, because I would have missed out on newborn Mariama.  (Thank you, Christy—and also Bill Keane—for reminding us to treasure each phase of life!)

Has it only been five and a half months?  She seems like a completely different baby now.   She is getting so tall and heavy in our arms!  She watches and listens to everything that is happening, as if she understands.  She grabs whatever lands in her hand (especially Mommy’s hair and the long beads that hang in the doorway.)  She knows her name.  She stays sitting up on her own.  She loves her crackly sounding toys (which sound like the dangerous plastic we have to keep away from her to me!) and “reading” books.

But my favorite change is her “talking.”  Mommy firmly believes that Mariama should be interacted with at every moment, and so from the day Mariama was born, Mommy has continued talking to hear almost every moment.  Mariama seemed to pick up quickly, and by two months she was already “talking” with cooing sound—her favorite ones being high pitched ones.  Mommy would respond as if she understood what Mariama was saying “Oh?  Is that right”  “I’m sorry.”  “Then what happened?”

After taking a month’s break or so, Mariama has started back up again.  Often she looks at you, but even when she doesn’t you can totally see her expression changing the moment she knows you are talking to her.  If you are lucky, she will start cooing in response.

Before Mariama was born, Mommy suggested that I speak to her in Hausa, to help her learn it more quickly.  So, for five and a half months, I have been.  “Nkoro [link],” I say, using the name I prefer to call her in Hausa, “Kin tashi lafiya?” (Did you wake up fine?)  “Kina so, ki sha nono?” (Do you want to drink Mommy’s milk?)   “Kin ji wani abu?” (Did you hear something?)  I sometimes wonder if I will be able to keep it up because speaking to Mariama is one of the few times I use Hausa at home.  However, so far, I have been able to say whatever I want to her—and it has forced me to grow a little in my Hausa too.

Around the beginning of October, I noticed Mariama was looking at my hands intently.  Wanting to do something interesting with my hands, I decided to spell the American Sign Language alphabet for her—singing while I did it.  She absolutely loved it, especially the “U” “V” “W” part.  (Maybe she thought it was funny to see two fingers which seemed like one to her suddenly split apart?)   Immediately after I finished, I noticed her looking at her hand a lot, moving her thumb and first two fingers.  Mommy and I grew tired of two different “A, B, C, D” songs before Mariama did, so I started trying to sign other words and songs, but I don’t know much sign language at all.  So today I bought an ASL book. 

Maybe in a few months Mariama will start signing and talking, maybe even in multiple languages, but I am not eager for that day to come any sooner than it has to.  If she and Mommy go out of the house, I miss both of them.  I love Mariama just as she is right now, my beautiful little baby.  Thank God with us for how she is growing!

Etiennette Nkoro

Twelve weeks ago we introduced you to Mariama Saratu Etiennette Nkoro Yoder.  Above you see two Etiennettes: Mama Gado and my Cameroonian sister Etiennette. Etienne (Stephen) in the Bible was a man full of the power and the Holy Spirit who was chosen by the newly formed body of Christ to care for the needy.  "He is still on the throne,"  Mama Gado said one day as she entered the kitchen on the SIL campus in Cameroon.  I had been praying about asking this regal woman, who I only knew as Madam Gado, if I could live with her family in order to improve my French.  That morning, she was shining, and all the employees in the kitchen greeted her with love and admiration.  I felt confirmation in my heart, and went to her office later that day.  When I proposed the idea of me living with them, she said unsmiling, "I will discuss it with the family."  I left feeling nervous and embarrassed that I had asked.  That was the last time I ever entered her office without receiving a shining smile that radiated love because the next day she said, "Yes, we would like to have you,"  and I became their daughter.  For a year and a half the Gado family loved, trained and supported me. We pray that Mari will become all that her name means as Mama Gado has embodied the meaning of her name.

Mariama and her namesake are getting to know eachother.  Mommmy Dogari took care of Zach in her home for 2 years.  Zach is the same age as her son, Benjamin, who passed away suddenly the year before Zach came to live with her.  She is a gracious, loving woman who has housed many young people, 3 men while Zach was living there (Dogara, pictured below, shared the room with Zach while they were living with Mommy Dogari).  She never asked anything from him, but she has gotten a lot of love back and now a granddaughter who bears her name.

Mariama's immunizations

This morning Christy and I took Mariama for her immunizations.  This is her 10 week visit—though she is actually 11 weeks old now—and so this was our third time going for immunizations.  

When we went for our first visit—about two weeks after Mariama was born—to the government facility where Mariama receives free vaccinations, Christy was imagining a sharp, white-halled facility with waiting rooms like we are familiar with in the US.  Since I had been there in 2007 when I received one of my final travel vaccinations—hepatitis B—I knew what to expect of the building.  But both of us were in for a participatory lesson in how infant vaccinations work here.

First there were the questions of what vaccinations were available.  The night before I read up online about which vaccinations would be given at which age.  The “at birth” vaccinations we gave Mariama were for tuberculosis (TB) and polio.  We later heard that the TB vaccination is not very effective and may cause TB tests required by some in the US to false positive.  Oh well, Christy’s mom assured us it was still good for Mariama to have this one.  (I think she had seen TB firsthand in children in Sierre Leone about thirty years ago.)

Also, I have learned a lot more about Polio in Nigeria.  Nigeria used to have a major problem with polio.  In 2012, the year we were married, Nigeria had more than half of the polio cases worldwide.  However, by the month Mariama was born (July this year), Nigeria was celebrating one full year without any new polio cases.  Thank God with us!  So I guess Mariama is not at high risk for Polio—especially now that she has received three doses of the oral polio vaccination (OPV)

When you show up at the vaccination center you collect a card with a number—a piece of cardboard with a handwritten number—from the stack on the desk at the front of the vaccination room.   If you arrive around 7:30am, you can get the number 5—we have picked up this number twice.  Then you have time to explore the facilities, because the vaccinations won’t start until around 9am or so.

The building appears to my untrained eyes to date the colonial era.  It is a two-story building with a long row of rooms—both upstairs and downstairs all opening directly to walkways outdoors.   If you arrive by  7:30am, there aren’t many people around yet.  Just one or two other mothers with their babies and the staff who have come to open the doors and sweep the facility.

Today, Christy and I entered into the courtyard behind the row of vaccination rooms to wait.  I like the quiet atmosphere with mango trees and a grand old stairway leading up to the balcony of the rooms that face the inner part of the court yard.   Since not many people have arrived yet, Christy and I have time to quietly talk and pray together—just the two of us and Mariama—a luxury we hardly even have in our house these days.  Slowly more women began to arrive.  Some young ladies seize the opportunity to sell baby items: baby clothes, diaper covers, and natural medicines like shea butter and palm kernel oils.  Christy took the opportunity to buy some oils and the diaper covers—it seems we are always running out!

Around 9am suddenly it got dark and the wind started blowing.  Rainy season usually ends this month, and it hasn’t rained for a few days, but we knew it would probably be good to hurry to the front of the building.  It seems our timing was perfect.  Just as we all reached the covered walkway in front of the building, it started to rain.  It was also time to start the vaccination process.

There is a wonderful sense of belonging that comes from receiving vaccinations together with all the other women and their babies.  We waited in the crowd of colorfully-dressed women and their warmly wrapped babies just outside the door.  One-by-one the man at the door called out the numbers, and each woman entered and sat in rows of benches according to number—over thirty of them.  I knew from a previous visit I was not to sit with Christy, so I sat in a plastic chair by the side of the room. 

A woman in charge explained in English and then in Hausa how it worked:  When you are called you receive your vaccination at the front right of the room—I recognized the friendly young man there who had done the vaccinations before.   To the front left of the room is the table of vaccination records, which have already been processed while we waited in the courtyard.   By the right of the room, was the birth certificate desk with a window opening out onto the walkway.   

Speaking of birth certificates, you can thank God with us that we got Mariama’s birth certificate last time.  I cannot easily explain how excited I felt the moment I held that birth certificate—about six weeks after she was born!  While the woman in charge explained which vaccinations would be given where for which age groups of children, I read up on the next step in Mariama’s paperwork—her Consular Report of Births Abroad and her passport.  It is amazing to have internet access right on Christy’s phone, so I could read all the details right there!  It was also amazing how many documents we need.  In addition to the birth certificate I am so happy to have, we also need our marriage certificate, photos of her birth, photos of us, several documents to prove we really did live in the US long enough for Mariama to be a US citizen, an application including a list of the exact dates we have been in the US… and so many other things.  Please pray that we can get all these documents together in a timely way.  Although I know by my own strength I may be able to gather most of the documents, I am afraid of this process taking a lot of time that could be spend on other things, and could easily get delayed.

Since we were number five, it didn’t take long for us to get our vaccinations. Mariama did very well, only crying for a little bit. Thank God for how well Mariama seems to be taking to life. Although (like all babies, even baby Jesus, I believe) Mariama does cry each day, she also shares so many smiles and lovely “talking” sounds. Thank God for the privilege to receive vaccinations for free along with so many other babies in this country. Please continue to pray to God for us and our baby to remain healthy so we can serve here!

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Quick update: Mariama is crying a lot this afternoon.  We think she is feeling uncomfortable after the vaccinations.  We think it is just a normal minor side effect of the vaccination, but we still ask that you pray for us for wisdom and for her to recover quickly to full health.

My New Assignment

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Here she is:

Mari consumes so much of my time, and has also scooped up my heart with her smiles and dependency on her Mama. I didn’t know how passionately I would feel about this mothering job but now that I wake up to a needy little person who gives back in her own way, I find immense pleasure in this work.  To watch her change and grow, learning where her hand is, responding to the voice of her Mama, and wondering at the spinning animals above her crib is exhilarating.  Who knew?  If you’ve ever had a baby, you did, but it’s a whole new way of viewing my role and calling.

I now look for opportunities in my community to reach out to young mothers, and mentor them in this work.  I think more about the MK’s (missionary kids) in our group, and wonder how we can help them love their environment and renrich their experience living in Nigeria.

I am on maternity leave until mid-October.  Please pray for us as we consider what our ministry will look like after that time, and that I will truly cherish the time I have with my little Mari now.

Mariama's big debut

Christy and her mom on the day before Mariama came

It was the day we had been anticipating for nine months.  Only the day after her due date, the excitement started.

Now, if you are like me, prior to this experience, you may be asking yourself, why do people, especially women, talk so excitedly and in so much detail about birthing experiences?  Is it really that interesting?  Isn't it a bit of a private subject?

Well, now, I know from experience--as a husband that is.  It is incredibly exciting, a little bit scary, and if you have read up on the subject when your turn comes, you are less worried about the decisions you will have to make--and that others may make for you.

You all have been praying for Christy and I as we anticipate Mariama's birth.  Let me attempt to share the story, so you can better praise God with us.

* * *

Christy hard at work. The park pictured above in distance.

We had just finished a nice dinner at our friends' house and Christy was driving home when suddenly her water broke.  She and her mom got quite excited.  Just as we had prayed, God was sending Mariama close to her due date, so Mommy and Daddy Watkin would enjoy having baby around.  (We didn't know her name would be Mariama yet, because we still had three sets of names we were considering.)

Christy called our helpers, Renee and Jody, and they arrived around 9:30pm or so.  Renee and Jody are answers to prayer, too.  When we came to Nigeria, we had no idea that Renee, one of my old friends from when I first came to Africa, was also a Doula and glad to help us.  Then, three weeks before the due date, Jody showed up in the country, a Canadian labor and delivery nurse.

Christy with Renee and Jody

The contractions were already starting.  I was glad about that.  Once the water breaks, Renee told us we only have 24 hours until the baby should be born.  Still, although Christy was quite excited and bustling about, it was time to sleep. We all needed strength for tomorrow.

Speaking of strength, of all days for Mariama to come, I was thinking to myself, "why does it happen when I am feeling like this?'   I had just left Christy's laptop computer out in the rain all day, along with a book I had borrowed from a friend.  I found out later that the laptop worked (miraculously!), and Christy's dad read the borrowed book for the next two weeks.  But at that moment I was just feeling really stupid and really tired.

But, thank God, the next morning I was feeling ready for the adventure.  And boy it was an adventure.  Renee and Jody said since Christy was at 4 or 5cm, it was probably time to head for the hospital.  It was still only 5am?  We arrived at 6am, to a locked gate, but the person on night duty opened for us and called Dr. Sule.

* * *

Dr. Sule, by the way, is another answer to prayer. While we were in the US, we had been advised to consider delaying coming back to Nigeria.  There were many reasons, but one was that the doctors were on strike.  Christy used Facebook to reach some of our colleagues in the office to get another perspective.  That's when she got Dr. Sule's number.  We had never heard of him before.

I thought, "well, lets try calling him".  I picked up our phone, which up to that point couldn't get reception in my parent's house. But at that moment, I saw it was showing a bar or two of connection.  Christy tried it and dialed straight to Nigeria.  She had been warned that Dr. Sule is busy and may not answer on the first call ... but he did!  He spoke so gently with Christy, encouraging her that not all the doctors were on strike and that she didn't need to worry about having her baby in Nigeria.  Christy took that call as encouragement from God that our baby was in his hands.

* * *

We thought that our baby might be coming right away and were eager for Dr. Sule to get there.  When he finally arrived he was a gentle and professional as ever.  He hadn't even put on his formal doctor's clothes, he had come out so fast.  As humble as ever!  We love how open Dr. Sule is to all of our questions and preferences.  He really was a key player in this event!

Things get pretty foggy around then for the next few hours, I don't remember exactly what happened.  From 6 am to 12 noon, Christy got more and more tired.  The doctors came and went.  We kept looking for progress, pushing Christy to keep moving, so the contractions would be frequent (I was timing them for her on her Contraction Timer app!)  Finally, at twelve, we realized that she had been at 8 cm for too long, maybe three or four hours?  The doctors suggested we use intravenous oxytocin, a steroid much like the pitoicn that birthing mothers naturally produce to speed their labor.  Christy and I had wanted to avoid this.  After some discussion (I'll spare you the details) we decided, it was an hour of walking for Christy and if there was no progress, then we'd use the oxytocin.

We sent out a prayer request by text message to our families, asking for strength.  Praise God!  The sleepy Christy suddenly woke up and seemed to have lots of energy to work had.  She walked up and down the street outside the hospital.  We walked and walked.  She felt like she need to go the bathroom in a really bad way, but of course we all knew it was really the baby coming.  It really felt like we were making progress!

But we weren't.  We were all gathered back upstairs in Christys room.  Actually there were so many people and so much stuff that we filled up two of the small inpatient rooms of Oasis Medical Center.  In addition to those I have already mentioned (Renee, Jody, Dr. Sule, Christy and myself) Christy's mom, the gynecologist  and midwife were also there.

This is where it got really intense.  I reviewed the facts with Renee and Jody.  God had answered our prayer and given Christy strength, but it didn't seem to be helping.  We had no apparent progress and more pushing and walking wouldn't help.  Christy had been vomiting during the contractions since last night at 9pm, so naturally she felt completely wiped out. She hadn't eaten anything, except about a half cup of juice.  All she wanted to do was sleep, but if she slept then the contractions would slow down.  It was now 1:30 pm.  Renee and Jody both said the oxytocin wasn't such a bad idea, and at this point I was agreeing.  I really didn't want to get in a situation where Christy was too tired to deliver the baby, and didn't like the idea of that leading to a C-section (though I knew that Dr. Jibrin could do it if necessary).  So I said we should go ahead with the oxytocin.

As the midwife put in the IV and administered it, I suddenly realized now was the time for me to do what I had been practicing, that is, to help Christy to relax.  I would speak calmly to hear, telling to "relax your forehead, cheeks, your jaw, your lips, your neck, . . . " all the way down to her toes.  It actually worked!  I was amazed at how relaxed Christy was, even falling asleep between the oxytocin-induced contractions.  I was so focused on Christy and helping her relax, that I didn't even notice the time going by.  I guess it was an hour later we got the good news that Christy was free to push that baby out!

The next hour was truly incredible.  Christy actually used a squatting position (which she had been practicing for months) to help bring a baby down. (This by the way, was the position that the patriarch Job's mother used to birth him, and is still used in many villages today.)  However, for Dr. Jibrin and the new daddy to be (that's me) to see the progress, our little baby was finally born while Christy was in a sort of sitting position leaning against Renee.  Christy kept saying--okay, shouting--"she is not coming, she is not coming".  I could see and feel our little baby's progress and kept telling her (along with everyone else in the room) that actually she was coming and would be born soon.  I could see her hair for a long time--which was all wet and looked nothing like a cute little babies' hair.  Finally at 4:25pm--over nineteen hours after this adventure began, I was suddenly holding our little babies head, and (as I had heard so many times before) only moments later her whole body.

She was a rather purplish color, which is just what I expected, from what we read.  She didn't breathe right away either, which again is expected.  I was glad to have known all of this!  Dr. Jibrin was used to doing a few things with the baby at the mother's feet, but I put her right up on Christy's chest.  All of this had been arranged in advance, though there still was a little discussion as we did it.  We rubbed our new baby down and patted her so she would start breathing.  It was only a few seconds before she started breathing, but Christy was still anxious for that first cry.  "Don't worry," I was telling her "you know she still doesn't need to breath yet, the umbilical cord hasn't yet been cut, everything is okay."  And she did start to cry, first a little bit and then that wonderful sound of her crying.  I hardly even noticed that her color was changing, but it is quite clear in the photographs!  From dark purple-ish, to a bright pink.

I had no idea  newborn baby could be so beautiful (don't worry if you disagree with me, I always thought the most beautiful babies were not the newborn ones, but those who had grown a bit older).  Christy whispered to me "I am thinking the four names", and I nodded.  Those were the names I had been thinking of, too.  So our baby was born and at the same time her name was chosen, Mariama.

It was amazing to see the change that came over Christy.  Just like Jesus had said, Christy had forgotten all of her tiredness and pain.  She was so delighted to have Mariama in her hands. Thank God for a healthy mother and a healthy baby, born here in Nigeria! Thank you God!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

* * *

Well, there are a ton more details I remember vividly, some of which should really not be typed on a blog.  Let me just add one final note of thanksgiving to God.  Christy's mom was there through the whole process.  She tried singing, which was the only time that both she and I could hardly keep from crying, so the singing didn't really happen, though it was quite moving!  She also took pictures over everything, which is why I have only one picture of her, but lots of pictures of the birth.  As I write this, they have just arrived safely home this last weekend!  Thank God for the wonderful blessing of having them here for such a key time in our lives! Visas, travel, all the details worked out as open doors  Thank God!

Pre-Baby Dinner!

Wow!  We had an amazing Lebanese dinner tonight with Mom (who I sneakily caught taking food before we had prayed), Dad, and our friends the Detweilers!   It was so special.

Probably one of our last meals out without a baby for a good long while!

Highlights at 35 Weeks

 Good and beautiful things:

• When I feel baby kick, I find myself imaging us dancing and twirling together. 
• I find a rush of joy thinking of a small girl growing in my home and investing in her. 
• I also find great beauty in the thought of having a little companion who shares her own precious thoughts with me as the years go by (I know that will be a while). 
• Sometimes anxious thoughts want to attack the joyful ones, but I feel God's peace overcoming them with his love and assurance that he holds our little one in his hands. 
• Singing to her and finding that my hopes and dreams easily rise in song...revealing truth that conquers fear. 
• I have been making yummy snacks.  Yesterday it was avocado pudding made with coco powder and coconut milk and honey. Really yummy.  Recently made coconut milk popsicles with local berries!
• I am finding I can rest,  instead of feeling guilty, and God delights in that.  This was an unfolding that came when I was feeling especially tired and reading our daily Bible readings to Zach as he rested on the couch:

• Psalm 127

  ¹ Unless the Lord builds a house,
      the work of the builders is wasted.
  Unless the Lord protects a city,
      guarding it with sentries will do no good.
  ² It is useless for you to work so hard
      from early morning until late at night,
  anxiously working for food to eat;
      for God gives rest to his loved ones."

  
  

  I thought: "Oh, God is not annoyed that I am tired.  He loves me and wants me find my rest in him.  He loves our baby girl too, and knows I need it."  

  I continued reading, not knowing what came next: 

  
  

  ^{3 "}Children are a gift from the Lord;
      they are a reward from him."

  
  

  I felt very loved by the Lord that he not only gave me "permission" to rest, but then followed it up by affirming the fact that the little one who has a part to play in this tiredness is a gift from HIM!  He will build our house, returning my husband to health, and bringing our baby.  In my tiredness I CAN rest in him, in fact, he'll give it to me because I am one of his loved ones.  (That's amazing!)

   
  

Thanks to my farming father and my gardening mother, I have a love for growing things.  I have found that as I see the flowers blooming, it fills me with new hope that our little girl is growing beautifully in me too!  This deep desire to foster life and see it spring forth at the right time is about to take on a whole new dimension as we welcome our baby girl into the family!

Please pray with us: 

• That we will communicate well with the medical professionals our desires, and we will understand each other's perspectives. 
• That God will give us peace about this upcoming transition. 
• That baby will grow well in me, and that the next month will be a time of joy, rest, anticipation, and preparation of our home, bodies, and hearts. 
• That my parents will get their Visa's and arrive safely. 
• That Zach will be completely restored to complete health!

Praying for Us

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• Zach as he finishes this intensive month of helping with the Partnership Development training for our Nigerian colleagues.
• Christy, that she stays healthy (no malaria), and learns to rest a bit more.
• Baby, that she will grow strong inside of Christy, and that we have peace about a doctor and where to birth the baby. 
• For the Scripture engagement team as we prepare to jumpstart new strategies in September when our colleagues have reached their financial need quota.
• For our Nigerian Missionary Staff (NMS) that they will learn of God’s faithfulness in the next few months to provide their every need, and will be bold in sharing the vision and inviting others to join them financial and prayerfully in mission.
• That we will have wisdom in our anchor project in our community (read below).

Our Baby

"How is our baby?" is a common question as I return home after a days work.  It is a lovely reminder by the shopkeepers and neighbors that the little one growing in me is part of a community already.  What a treasure living in West Africa has taught me.  It is humbling for me, however, when my friends wash my dishes or need to carry things for me in the market, and I know I should let them.  I can do it, but the exhaustion that would "follow the body" if I tried to do EVERYTHING I used to would leave me unable to minister in other areas of my lives. 

Besides washing my dishes and carrying my market bags, my friends also have braided my hair:

and sewn me new clothes! 

I so miss sharing "our baby" with my family on the other side of the big water, but I'm so overwhelmed with the care and joy shown to me here.  We are both looking forward with anticipation to sharing "our baby" with our worldwide family.  Praise God for his care shown through so many.

Q and A

When are you going back?
February 1st

What will you do when you go back?
We will begin by meeting the translation project leaders, asking them how their communities are accessing Scripture, and what their felt Scripture needs are.

Where will you live?
We will return to our rented house in Jos, Nigeria.

Do you want children?
Yes! Our baby is due mid-July.

How can we pray?
*For a doctor who can deliver the baby
*Wisdom as we meet project leaders and identify how we can be part of what God’s doing through his Word.
*Transitioning back to life in Nigeria.
*Wisdom defining our roles in Nigeria in Scripture Engagement.