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“Careless, that’s what that is, careless,” said a friend
while shaking her head as though she was Buzz Lightyear declaring sadly to
Woody that I was a “sad, strange, little man.”
I apologized for losing the small item to an unknown crevice or cushion.
When I do something foolish, her words ring in my mind.
“Careless, that’s what that is, careless.”
When I was 14, I jokingly pushed an older teenager, a respected
guy friend, off a ramp about 4 inches off the ground. He stepped back with one foot to catch
himself. We had all been laughing, and it was part of the fun, or so I
thought. He said, “Christy, your problem
is that you don’t think about anyone else.” I was struck. Even at that age, I wanted so much to bless
everyone around me and didn’t realize I didn’t think about others.
This blog is for those “careless” women, for those who
“don’t think” about anyone else.
It’s
for that woman reading who has the words of others echoing from the recent or
distant past, and who have given power to those words every time she does
something any “normal person” would have the sense not to do.
You ever catch yourself leaving your keys in your car
door…well, there’s a perfect key size hole for them, everything in it’s place,
right?
You ever wake up to find you left food you meant to put in
the fridge out all night…it’s accessible at least…and since you forgot to brush
your teeth, dig in!
You ever leave the water running and overfill the tub,
washing machine, or dish basin…my cup is full and running over!
You ever told your husband you’d do something, like lock the
front door, and find it open in the morning…now that’s an internalized open door policy.
You ever offer to carry someone’s bag for them and then
place it in some safe place so when they are ready to take it you have a really
good conversation with them about how our lives are so full of things and less
is more while you search frantically for their bag?
When I realize I’ve done something silly, disappointing
someone, most often me, or hurt someone, usually those I care for the most, I
have a choice. I can start abusing
myself and reminding myself how careless I am or I can laugh a little and allow
grace to remind me of what else I was doing when those darn keys decided to
stay in the door, again. Oh, yes, the
baby was crying because she wanted out of the car seat and I had 4 grocery bags
I was carrying so the key remained in the car door. Oh, yes, we did family devotions and then I
tucked the girls in and had a great talk with my husband and the food sat all
night on the table. While the water was overflowing, I was trying to tidy my
room before the husband got home so he'd be happy to be there. The electricity went out and I lit a candle
instead of locking the door, and the cake I’d prepared for my friend needed to
come out of the oven, so I set her bag in the pantry next to the hot pads. These aren't excuses for doing "careless" things...they're a way of extending grace to myself...of releasing the hold of guilt...of relizing how much I really do care.
I was not being careless, I was caring. I have so many people I care for every single
day, that something is bound to be left undone.
For those who read that and say, “Well, do less things!” Remember, as
you meet women like me, that the things we DO get done are often worth doing,
and the things we forget to do, God knows about, and your job is to love women
like me and extend grace. God doesn’t
call us careless, he enjoys us in all of our funny slip ups. He sees our heart and that we care deeply, as
he deeply cares for us.
So, loved one, I don’t call you careless, and I pray that in
knowing you are cared for, you will be carefree as you continue to do what
matters, and accidentally, or intentionally, leave some things undone.
