Holding You and No Other In My Heart

"I love my life to count

And to know I've made an impact somehow

But Lord, I want you more

And I want to work and achieve

To enjoy the comfort it brings to me

But still, I want you more

Lord, I want you more 

(Chorus)

At the end of the day

It'll be your face I see

When I've finished running my race

I will be falling at your feet

Singing You've been worth it all

You are worth it all. - Song: Lord I Love You More by Eliza King 

 

A dance drama where I played the role of the first translators in a language.

When we got married in the elegant pillared sanctuary in Holland, MI fourteen years ago, I said the words, "holding you and no other in my heart 'til death do us part." It's the part of the vows that I could NOT utter in the pre-wedding, rushing out of the church sobbing, my sister and maid of honor in hot pursuit.  What is it about those words?  The hymn that says, "prone to wonder Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love" also gets me teary every time.  Saying those words to my hopeful, tenderhearted groom held so much weight!  Was I doubting my love for him?  My devotion? My longing to walk with him until "death do us part?" No.  It's as someone said to me before I got engaged when I was confused and questioning, "Christy, you will always grieve something. Your singlehood and the freedom that has given you, or the possibility of being married and having a family."  It's like we choose our grief.  I tell my little third culture kids, "We say "goodbye" a lot, yes, but we also say "hello" a lot!"  It was more than that though, fear gripped me that I may not be able to be faithful to those words, knowing how distracted, undisciplined, and recklessly spontaneous I can be. What if, before God and his body I committed to doing what I wanted to, but would fail to do? 

All week, multiple times daily I have listened to this song , "Lord, I Love You More" as it acknowledges the joy being known, loving a family, having a home, and having an impact in the world and then declares that it doesn't matter as much as Jesus.   I was part of the generation that sang "Seize the Day"  and Jim Elliot's poem sung by Twila Paris' "He is No Fool" and Steven Green's "The Mission"  that was called to go to the world and make a difference!  I came to Africa because I wanted my life to count, and then I read the lyrics of "Lord, I love you more", "I want to make an impact somehow, but Lord I want you more," and I ask myself "Is that true?"  If marriage is a reflection of the follower's relationship with the Rabbi and the statement "holding you and no other in my heart" is true of me, then the mission, the seizing of this day, cannot be foremost or it will replace the Love (and Author) of my life.  I listen to this song, and pray desperately that he will replace any love for anything or anyone that is greater than himself.  Especially ministry,  impact, and relevance, idols that vie for my attention.  

Because someday I WILL fall at his feet, with you, and I want to declare that it was ALL done with my eyes fixed, my wandering heart stayed and sealed declaring, "He's been worth it all,  I have held him and no other in my heart."

Holiday Orange Hat Closing Program